0

poor thing x3

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at the clinic.

waiting for my meds and suddenly noticed an old lady crying to the nurse. the nurse comforting her. sorry, i cant help but listened. i cant shut off my ears can i?

the old lady’s son commit suicide. i’m not too sure of the reasons.

poor old lady.
i guess there’s one of the worse thing that could happen – outlive your own son. i dont agreed on suicide, how could you simply end your own life and expect your family to clean up the mess you left behind.  i understand how hard life could be sometimes yet i felt that there isnt any unsolve-able problem. live your life, dont let life defeat you.

i believe the old lady will be fine. its just a moment thing. she just gotta keep living, for her daughter in law and her grandchild.

poor nurse.
suddenly strike me how tough her job was. it goes beyond just matchin the correct meds for the patients. its abt showing care and concern to total strangers.

the nurse felt guilty for making me wait. i noticed the apologetic look she threw me. i gave her a ‘its-okie-i-understand’ look.

poor me.
yeap, despite my kind understanding. i really wanted to collect my meds, go home and put myself to slp. that being said, i will wait, giving the old lady as much as time she needs. what a little illness compare to her grief. i will be fine tomorrow, but the old lady gotta need more time den me.

poor thing.
okie, i need to slp.

sick-y groove.

0

brave.not.

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i seen myself displaying a brave front to others (do i?) but i’m not exactly fearless. these are mine.

– thunder. i dont get it. but yes, thunder do frightened me. i am fine if there’s someone with me, but not when i am alone. it scared the hell out of me. 🙂

– rubber band. if someone wanted to ‘shoot’ me with it. i’ll get all work up. *shrug

– dandelion fluffs. seriously. as pretty as they are, they creep me out. gave me goosebumps. weird. i know.

– cockroach. as in cockroach. ahh ! those little fellows will usually land on my feet causing me to do a cockroach dance.

– cockroach. as in guys, with bad behavior. i cant think of a better name for ppl in this category, just started callin them ‘cockroach’

– butterflies. read h-e-l-p. 08th nov.

– sore throat. i dont exactly fear this. but yeap, it qualify as one of my ‘fear’ sorta. i totally dislike sore throat. make me cranky. consider yourself lucky if i managed to talk to you while nursing a sore throat.

boo !

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regret.

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reluctant to blog abt this. izzit wise for me to blog abt it?
maybe.. yes.
bothered and still bothering me.

the below entry is for me, myself and i.
have i forgive myself? no. not really.
am i being over-responsible? yes.
am i bo liao? superbly yes.

it have been 2 years, or izzit 3.

a close friend of mine gotta pregnant.
im one of those few selective pple who knows abt it.

she seek for my advise, being the older between us. i tried to give her the right advise, which is to keep the baby. i am very sure, she will regret if she opt for abortion. i don’t want that.

(pls note, i never gotta pregnant lah. logically thinkin, you will regret losing the baby. think abt it – how often you hear pple goes, i am so glad i had abortion ! )

back to her story:
i even went as far as begging her to keep the baby, offered to bring up her baby, until she is ready to have the baby back.

*laugh at the absurdity

i was only 25 den. what do i know abt baby?! i wasn’t married, its not my baby, she’s not even a relative! yet it make prefect sense. i am willing to go that far, so that she don’t live in regret.. coz as tiny as it is, it’s a life. it is my responsibilities to change her mind, most importantly, she places her trust and judgment in me.

i failed.

the baby is gone.
a piece of her is gone.
a little piece of me is gone.

each december, i will asked myself ‘minying, why didn’t you try harder to fight for the baby’s life?’

but, what else could i do..?
.. so much more.

girl, if you are reading. i am sorry. for letting you down. *hug and take care.

ying.

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21 not.

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talk abt goin clubbin for some time. we did, yesterday.

double o

entrance: $15  (couldnt believe it!)
drinks: $5 a bottle or $12 a jug (are these guys for real?)
music: you named it, they got it.

fyi – i dont drink, i love to dance though. hey ! i’m not a dancing queen, i dont dance on the stage or do any of the coordinated stuff.

we used to dance like 2-3 times a week. man, those were the days.
9 years later, same dancing partner (jen!) same club, same music (retro stuff), same cheap drinks. haha !

seriously, i dont look like 21. its written all over my face that i am 27!

hence, it become seriously funny when i got approached by 3 guys. one of them really wanted my contact. whatsup?!

second guy shouted at me over the loud music:
he: ‘hi i’m henry’
hand-shake.

he: ‘your name?’
no answer. polite smile.

he: ‘first time here?’
i nodded. seriously, my headache was killing me den. i’m not in the mood to shout.

he: ‘really? first time?’
another polite smile from me.

he: ‘you dont really tok’
another polite smile.
duh. no, i love to tok. i love to hold conversation right in front of 3 speakers with lady gaga teachin us how to do poker face.

whatsup?!
finally. he gotta the hint and leave me alone.

3rd guy try to engaged me in a conversation by typing msg on his cell. ahh.. ! cant pple just leave me alone?

3am.
i cant take it anymore. told jen. i really need to go home.
came out of the club, half deaf. hop into a taxi, listening to class 95.
can someone stop the little construction in my head? the non-stop banging is killing me. tried very hard not to move my head.

2 panadol.
quick shower.
tucked myself in.
ah.

27 years old groove.

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goofy groove

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fairy godmother took ‘some time off’ recently, wasnt online for days.

busy at work, and had to settle some personal problem.
honesty speaking, i havent be happy.
i dislike indecisive, i dislike being unhappy.
i dislike the feelin of walkin around with a heavy heart.

boo msg me one of d days asking what happen to me?
i replied according.
boo goes ‘take care okie. king (king aka boo) misses fairy. chat ya soon’
i replied ‘fairy miss normality.. take care too’

that, ppl. was a wake-up call.
still, i went to bed. feeling upset that i am upset.
things just dont feel right.

the next day, boo msn me ‘what do you want?’
my immediate reply: to be happy.

sucha simple statement. sucha complicated task.

i miss normality. i miss lame-ing with boo. i miss chattin with jen abt nothing. i miss whining with guy. i miss being me. i miss being happy.

complicated but achievable task.
impossible is nothing. :p

of coz i’m back to normal. otherwise you wont be readin this entry !

thank you jen & guy for the endless advise.
thank you boo for the wake up call.

happy groovy.

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i am not interesting

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someone told me recently – i am interesting.

me: no, i’m not. its pple around me who are interesting, like you ! thats why i ended up with lotsa funny stories.

i do have my own school of tots, strange actions, fussy demands, unusual traits, stupid stunts. other den the above, i am as boring as abc. hehe !

boring groove.

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familar face

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read: the differences between us  – 07th may.

familiar face and i. we are still pretending to be strangers.

until…recently. dinner with guy.

we walked into the restaurant, warmly greeted by one of the staff.
guy gave me a ‘u-noe-her-look?’

no i dont. *shrug. maybe i am regular?

took our food, head back to our table. surprised to realised guy didnt follow me. he’s still lookin at the food. okie lor. sat by myself and auto day-dream.

suddenly, familiar face appeared and he goes ‘hello, do u remember me?’
‘erm, no. not really.’
‘your classmates, fiona batch.’
‘okie, hi.’
smiles exchange.
he walked away.

guy came back.
‘guy! familiar face finally tok to  me!’

food were served, food were consumed, conversation flows and guy asked me, ‘are you sure he tok to u? now he is pretending to be a stranger again.’

‘yeap, how come? he did tok and smile at me. must be YOU, bcoz of u, familiar face is scared to tok to me! he’s so scared, he gotta pretend he dont even noe me’

haha ! duh ! what’s wrong?!
my dear bff dont bite, he does howl. 🙂
*jokin !

groove.

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am i out of my mind?

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dinner with guy @ crystal jade.

him: the duck look good hor?
me: yeap. wanna order?
him: no, u dont eat duck.
me: lets give it a try.
him: but u dont eat duck.
me: no, i agreed. lets order. looks good.
him: okie, u gotta eat at least 3 piece.
me: alritey.

we did and god, it was awful,  waste monies, haha !

1) remind me to stay away from duck.
2) picture are deceiving.

1

2000 times

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love is suppose to be following your heart ?

right.
the feeling is right, you feel comfortable. you give it a try.

wrong.
feelings is impt BUT there’s still lotsa factors to consider.

well, maybe i grown smarter in the ways of the heart.
which is NOT following my heart. haha !
get rid of emotion:
see, evaluate, think, seek advise, plenty of time.
see, evaluate, think, seek advise, plenty of time. repeat like 2000 times.
hopefully i make a decision by age 35 ! keke

*joking

let me state my stand – i’m a firm believer that at any moment, a person can start over. it donest matter how long you have been with a person, whether you are emotionally-attached. there is always a choice.
the question is – are you brave?

*smile

who i am, and wat i am capbale of doin, has always managed to surprise me (and guy!) 🙂

groove.