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moments mattered

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i need to whine.

first think first – i was wearing a sorta low-cut dress.
but there’s wasn’t the point.

in the lift – me and another man.
the man stare at me – openly
i turned my back – on him.
the man walk in front of me and kept – staring.

duh. what do you want me to do? come out with a smart-alec remark?
what if he reply me? what am i gotta do?

god, suddenly, i felt so.. so.. weak and vulnerable. traits that i totally dislike. 🙁

i didnt say anything.

homed. upset.

mostly, i am upset at myself.
why didnt i stood up for myself?

hmpf.

okie lah, no point being upset at myself.
it’s over.
live and learn.

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searching.

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this came up.
in a totally unexpected manner.

it was part of a conversation.
which leads to some tots… which gradually leads to a blog entry, so typical of me ! haha !

guy told me –  she (she = my friend) is seeking for something.

and it make me goes – arent we all?
and make me wondered – what is guy seeking for?
what abt ME den – what am i seeking for?

do you know WHAT are you seeking for…?
… are you seeking for anything?

there gotta be smt worth seeking for, what izzit?
– love, family, friendship, values, appreciation, to be better person…

hmm..

i don’t have a point here but i do know, you gotta noe what you are lookin for in order to attain it and therefore received some sorta happiness / sense of achievement from it.
don’t go lookin for what isnt there or simply going around in circles.

hmm.. rephrase..

i guess, what i want to say is – you could have what others have but still remain a unhappy little soul or i shld write, still felt empty unless you noe what do you want in the first place.

have i lost you? i lost myself. haha !

the BIG question?
what abt me?
what am i lookin for?
maybe all i wanted is for things to remain the way it is.
maybe i’m not seeking for anything coz i aldy have everything ! pumpkin, sunshine and all. 🙂

life –  is- full – groove

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walking tall

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prideful?

like i mentioned – not a word i will pick for myself.

but it was used to described me.

what exactly did i said?
i dislike being needy, the feelin of i-gotta-rely-on-someone when i am sad.
i dont want that, i dont need that.
i have myself & it is good enough.

prideful?

________________________________________________

be what others expect you to be or i had it in me from the beginning?
(don’t make me into someone i’m not?)

let’s use moi as an example.
strong. most pple say that i am a strong girl, mentally lah.
am i really strong coz of my actions, my tots?

or

i am strong coz they expect me to be strong.
so, yeap, okie, i’ll be strong as per expectation?
i’ll be what you want me to be sorta theory.

i could never tell the difference.
maybe being strong is a combination of both factors.
i am indeed a tough cookie by nature AND when others set an expectation for me, i’ll hit the expectation.

prideful?

not all my entrys have a point. live a little ! 🙂 🙂

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the next topic

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guy does gimme lotsa perspective.
dinner with guy the other day and we were tokin abt r/s in general.

came this topic
the way a guy treats his current gf will be the way he treat his next gf.

i got him to repeat x2. i’m s-l-o-w.

example from guy:
man A is attached with woman A.
man A likes woman B, woman B likes man A
man A dumped woman A for woman B.

will he do the same thing to woman B?

agreed:
1) man are cows ! haha
opps !

2) coz the man wont change. there’s NO reason for him to anyway.

3) you love one, u go after what you have. why bother to change?!

disagreed:
what’s your take on whether a leopard changes it spot?

maybe man A finally wake up from his idea and learn to cherish what he have.

and if there’s d case, shouldn’t we give man A a chance? everyone deserve a second chance in life.

what’s impt is the now and the future.
what’s even more impt is man A learn his lesson and don’t commit the same ‘offense’

final decision:
humans are unpredictable.
i do believe that man A will change if woman B is everything that he wanted.
well, for woman B’s happiness, i do hope man A will change.

otherwise, pls. woman B, wake up your idea ! man A did it once, he gotta do it again.

and i will say – good luck.

(note: this doesnt apply to man only. woman commit the same mistake as well)

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5 mistakes & counting (2)

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regrouped. with jen.

yeap ! she’s home.

excited me even went as far as the airport to pick her up ! haha who’s like being the norm, its b-o-r-i-n-g!

you know my nix? fairy godmother.
i named her  too, she is evil stepmother. she totally love the nix ! 🙂

(before 1)

DSC00852(before 2)DSC00853challenge:
to purchase nippon paint – sugar cookies yellow.
hop to vivo city and the machine broke down.

haha !

got the paint from tamp1 instead.
had to call guy to find out the location of the shop.
(fyi – its located at tamp1 basement)

challenge:
2 hrs to kill before her flight touches down.
plop myself at airport’s swensens with a book, root bear and some light snacks.

(after 1)DSC00856challenge:
the wall behind the air-con.
i’m out of my league. goodness! it was tough!
the plus point of being small-size, i can fit into the tiny space but it wasnt  a pleasant experience 🙁

DSC00854challenge:
to paint.
but i broke the paint brush roller. dont ask me how.
accidents seems to happen to me.

challenge:
to paint.
i knocked over the tin of paint. shit !
can someone take the clumsiness out of me?

total mistakes: 8
end of our painting experience.
we loved her bright yellow balcony.

G.

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are you..

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..happy?

i am.
you can practically see me surrounded by lotsa happy bubbles.
(what a description!)

okie, to talk abt ‘happy’ – lets define it.
i’m not gotta give u dictionary.com definition. i’m gotta define ‘happy’ in groove’s language. haha !

laughter

i learn to laugh at almost everything. good or bad. laughter helps.
example: i lost a excel file recently. called for help and yeap, i couldnt retrieve the file, its gone in the digital-unknown world.
i laughed.

this does not make up my definition of happy but it does show how one could deal with ‘screw-up’ in life.

letting go

i once say ‘letting go, its seems to be the norm’
why do you wanna keep unhappy memories? its not gotta lead to long life. haha !
instead of thinkin abt ‘oh, i lost this, i lost that. therefore i am sad’ take a step back and re-evaluate what you have gain in the process. there’s always two equivalent results when something happened. its really a point of view.

extracted from my book:
‘dwelling on the past is simply unproductive. and every moment of life shld be productive’

changes

i wrote this:

a little change would make a big difference. mostly its how you see things? no?
example: hmm.. maybe you think your life is screw up, somehow. and.. ? whine? bitch? whine? bitch? x10
no ! make changes to it. nobody will help you if you dont help yourself

den:

i watched MJ’s this is it. there’s a song – man in the mirror. hearing the song and i know its gotta make it to my blog.

it goes something like:
i’m starting with the man in the mirror
i’m asking him to change his ways
and no message could have been any clearer
if you wanna make the world a better place
take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

famous last words:

appreciate what you have in life, i think i have over-used this pointer.
but its true, cherish the ‘now’
you will realised you do have a lot afterall.

– be happy, always. 🙂

g.r.o.o.v.e

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groove’s knight

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groove:: time to regroup says:

i’m glad, i have a wee-knight at home haha
and tat knight never changes.. !
haha

je ne fer @ airport says:
yup he is your knight forever
i can use forever here

quick note:
the knight in question is my bro.

isn’t it nice to have a knight in your life? :0

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the cockroach story

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‘the key to success is to fight smart, pick the right strategy and employ it at the right time’

again.

the key to success is to fight smart (remain calm) pick the right strategy (blog abt it !) and employ it at the right time (wait until i’m cool down)

i waited for days, for the right mood, for the right attitude to write this entry.
i refuse to go on a anger-filled binge on my happy blog.

but let me state this – its not gotta be a ‘nicey’ blog.

so, here: i need to write abt what happened to me to better explain myself.

so, whatsup?! 

‘indecent proposal’
someone (a friend) suggested whether its possible to start a companion relationship with me.  meaning? smt like guy & my friendship. ie call this friend if i’m upset, cry on his shoulder if needed. the answer: hell, NO! duh. what a stupid suggestion.. coming from a married man!

which leads to the following tots:
“to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”

marriage. does it matter to you?

when you recite the marriage vows, what goes through your mind.
no, BEFORE you even ask a woman to marry you, what went through your mind.

have you, like seriously, sit down, read through the vows and decide, ‘are you ready for that sorta commitment towards another human, whose happiness simply lies in your hand’

interesting.
lets examine the flip side.

the flip side:
we’re all taught to chase after ‘things’ you desire.
(status, freedom, monetary, happiness..)

but what’s happen if that ‘thing’ turn out to be a human.
but you are married (..which translate to a commitment..)

what do you do den?
stick to your marriage? be responsible. think abt your wife’s feeling before you say such words to another woman.
screw it. be selfish. take a chance in life. pray that you get what you want?

the right side:
i’m not in the position to pass judgment.
but the world had rules.
those rules keep us safe, keep our heart intact.

you are married.
stay married.
‘fooling around’ is not gotta contribute to a great marriage.

r/s is abt coming together, solving issues as a couple etc etc but when you step into a marriage, the stakes just got higher.

the human side:
stop. think.
just for a second.
if you had the ability to do what you pleased.
what’s gotta happen to us?

as human.
we gotta lost that basic human principles.

and i asked.
why?
why do you exist den?
the world donest need someone like you.

the practical tots:
as nice as i am.
i had this tot “‘if you had the courage or intention to cheat on your wife, have the courage to tell her in the face BEFORE you cheat’ and i say – the world is yours den”

the good ending:
what a negative and strong entry. but there isnt any happy ending. this kind of man pissed me off. grow a brain or smt. and yes, for the record, i hv ‘de-friend’ him.

oh well, at least its a story for me to blog abt and a story to tell my frds. haha !

groove.

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the cockroach story!

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goodness, i’m having sucha hard time writing the next entry.

its a challenge coz it goes against my nature.

i having lotsa doubts on posting it but i know, i will.

it will NOT be a oh-this-is-so-groove entry.

wait for it.

G.